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Itwas supposed to leap off the screen and grab the reader; instead, it just laythere doing not much of anything. Here on the list we were talking notlong ago about whether you could revise a story too much; I fear that theoriginal version of this story had not been revised enough.So I've been tinkering with it ever since. I also enlisted Vickie Tern'shelp, and she made a number of suggestions that helped greatly in bringingthe story nearer to what I had envisioned. Thanks, Vickie! To the extentthat it still falls short of its goal, if it does, the lack is, obviously,mine, not Vickie's.The basic plot is still the same: two rather foolish people monkeying witha set of psychological devices that turn out to be more powerful than theyhad ever dreamed, and that gradually go out of control. But I've brought thestory more consistency, more "thrust," and, I hope, more intensity.People on Fictionmania have always been good about replacing originalversions of stories with revised versions. I. "I'm cumming, pull it out quick or swallow." Irene just sucked harder and I started to cum, shooting spurt after spurt into her mouth while she swallowed as fast as she could. Irene kept sucking out the last dribbles of cum until I pulled her up, "Your turn." "I can't wait to have you do that to me." I led her to the island in the kitchen and lifted her up on the counter. I licked around Irene's nipple while massaging her other tit. Irene was moaning,"That feels so good and making my pussy tingle."I push Irene down and lifted her legs up on counter. I kissed my way down from her titties to her pussy while spreading her legs apart. I licked and kissed her inner thighs working my way toward her pussy. I ran my tongue along the slit making her jerk in pleasure. I work from the bottom of her slit to her clit a few times. Irene was moaning loudly as I circled around her clit and as she pulled my head tight into her pussy I started flick over her clit repeatedly. Irene was humping up at.
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